Updated: Aug 3
Have you ever heard that anytime you decide to point out the faults in someone or deflect the blame to someone, remember there are three fingers pointing back at you?
There’s a LOT of wisdom there!
I am learning to catch myself when I make a wrong turn onto “Blame Lane.” Whether it’s a dropped responsibility or a poor choice of words, it’s so easy to deflect responsibility to other people so that I can go on my “merry way,” and keep doing what makes me happy. If I can make an excuse and pin “it” on someone else, I can avoid the consequences of the truth that I might be the problem. I’m reminded of the “Bob Principle” that says if Bob has a problem with everybody, Bob might be the problem.
Matthew 7:3-5 comes to mind…”Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”
The alternative is to process my challenges through a lens of, “What do I need to learn from this situation? What’s MY part? How can I grow from this?”
I use the CORE process to guide my response to moments where I want to pin the blame on someone other than me. At the end of the day, I’m only responsible for my choices, my actions and how I choose to respond to those around me. If I want to grow and become a positive influence, I need to start with ME!
C - Call It / What are the facts of my issue? What objective components frame the issue I’m having with someone? Just that facts, ‘mam….just the facts.
O - Own It / What do I need to own in the situation? Where did I get sideways? What is MY part? What changes do I need to make?
R - Respond / How am I going to respond in light of my part of the situation? What actions am I responsible to complete? (Again, fight the tendency to deflect the blame…this is on ME.)
E - Execute / Who can I confide in that will hold me accountable to following through OR help be choose a different response the next time I find myself in the same or similar situation?
Do this with an honest heart and you’ll attract more people than you repel. Life is too short to travel alone. Learn to know yourself so you can grow yourself and not be the same person tomorrow you are today!
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