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“I need you to value my contribution and take the time to draw out what I really think. Invest and believe in me even if I struggle to believe I’m good enough. Spend quality time with me, get to know me and join me in caring for others even when you don’t perceive it as important.”

What we see…
  • Champion of people Servant-hearted towards others more than themselves

  • First to volunteer

  • Love going the extra-mile to help others

  • Enjoy covering details (maybe too much)

  • Has a tendency to ask good questions

  • Likes to celebrate others - They are for those on their team

  • Great team players - willing to do whatever it takes for team success

  • Champion of relationships (create harmony) 

  • The relational oil of the team

  • Tendency to make sure others are OK (especially after a negative meeting)

  • Love to encourage and add value to others

  • Give, Give, Give

  • Loyal to the core

  • Tend to not be confident or secure, but definitely humble

  • Rarely fight their way to the front to be heard

  • Have HUGE influence capital

Immature Nurturers…
  • Look in mirror and see what’s wrong

  • Tend to dominate themselves (hold themselves to standards others don’t hold)

  • Ask themselves, “What do I know?”

  • Believe, “Nobody wants me here…”

  • Tend to take themselves out of the game

  • Accept “status quo” - This is just the way it is

  • Put themselves last, while everyone else is priority

  • Can find themselves constantly striving for unmet expectations

  • Think it's better to burn out while caring for others (stuck in 4th & 5th Gear)


  • Seek them out before you talk to anyone else

  • In a meeting, let them speak first

  • To embrace challenge, you have to build them a bridge

  • Affirm their competence and value to the project/team

  • Speak life into them​​

  • Be considerate of their feelings when bringing challenge

  • Work at drawing out their input (Push vs Pull)

  • Invest and believe in them - Give them 3rd Gear time

  • Spend quality time to get to know me…really.

  • Champion what they value

  • Show them that new ideas have been thought through

  • Validate and call them up

  • Listen to them

  • Create a safe space

  • Value what they value…PEOPLE

  • Need to understand that you value their contribution

  • What they are saying: ”Invest and believe in me, even if I don’t believe in myself.”

  • Tend to be assuming in what they wish we knew

  • Speak the truth in love from the external perspective

  • Tell them how well others think of them

  • Tell them to be who they are and recognize their value

  • Tell them to call themselves up, not out - Remind yourself who you are

  • Use a “Daily Charge”...”Today I will _____ “

  • Value them and make sure they know it and believe it

  • Help them get to 2nd and 1st Gear on occasion

  • They value acts of service over gifts or words of encouragement, give them a break

  • Show them you are for them and will fight for their highest good

  • Values relationships over opportunity

  • They can read people very well

  • They have a “backstage mindset,” rather than out in front

  • Not big fans of quick changes or new initiatives

  • Tend to keep opinions to themselves

  • Have a habit of devaluing themselves

What we don’t see...
  • Has a habit of devaluing themselves -“I’m not good at _____.”

  • Long for relational harmony

  • They are aware of what’s going on in the moment

  • Always asking if the person in front of them is “for me”

  • Want to know if they are in an emotionally safe environment

Trigger (aka: Will shut down if):
  • They feel unappreciated.

  • They feel ignored

  • Those they care about are unappreciated or ignored

What they need to hear from us…
  • “I believe in you.”

  • “What do you think?”

  • “I’m challenging your thought, not you.”

  • “We need to hear your opinion.”

  • “No one is going to critique your ideas immediately.”

  • “Try to be open to change and doing things differently.


Rules of Engagement…1st


Weapon...Medic / Self-Sacrifice
  • Willing to stand in harm’s way and willingly offer to lay down their lives for others. Ready to be the scape-goat

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